Shattered & Broken

“Please Let Me Live Again”

Somebody please help me mend my broken heart

And let me live again

Most of us experience a breakup once in our lifetime; from a friend who has deceived us, or a significant other who has cheated, or in any other relationship where we felt we were treated unfairly. After a breakup, people come to me and ask me what they can do to feel better. The feeling of rejection is quite painful and takes a great deal of effort to overcome. Many people are unable to handle their emotions in these situations, and often go through a phase of depression. In this situation, people going through a breakup and those helping them face challenges. Those dealing with breakups may feel like there is nothing worth living for. They want to resume their normal lives, but don’t know how to address their problems to restore their health.

I can still feel the breeze that rustles through the trees

And misty memories of days gone by

We could never see tomorrow

Would you believe that no one

No one said a word about the sorrow

They repeatedly relive all of the good memories of the relationship, like a movie playing in their minds. The more they think about the good times, the more they feel hurt and depressed. Others around them try to encourage them to break this pattern and return to normal, but despite this support, they lose interest in their daily activities. According to neuroscientists, people actually feel physical pain as a result of this emotional stress; pain that cannot be seen by others.

And how can you mend a broken heart?(and mine is)

How can you stop the rain from falling down?

How can you stop the sun from shining?

what makes the world go round?

So what should we do in this situation? Research tells us that the best way to deal with a breakup is to process it by calmly reflecting on it, rather dwelling on it or suppressing it. The more you reflect upon the relationship, the quicker your outlook will improve, rather than hiding your feelings under the rug and thinking that the emotions will just go away with time. Once you can reflect upon it and allow your mind to process the events, you gain a better awareness of yourself and your emotions, and are ready to move on to new relationships.

As I was writing this blog, I was thinking of many of my patients and their experiences. My heart is always touched when I hear these experiences, and see people actually suffer as a result. Having said that, I have seen people grow and flourish after a breakup — they can truly become stronger and reach their full potential. Like the lyrics in the song, “they find what makes the world go round”!

References

1. Eastwick, P. W., Finkel, E. J., Krishnamurti, T., & Loewenstein, G. (2008). Mispredicting distress following romantic breakup: Revealing the time course of the affective forecasting error. Journal of Experimental Social Psychology, 44(3), 800–807.
2. Kross, E., Berman, M. G., Mischel, W., Smith, E. E., & Wager, T. D. (2011). Social rejection shares somatosensory representations with physical pain. Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, 108(15), 6270–6275.
3. Larson, G. M., & Sbarra, D. A. (2015). Participating in Research on Romantic Breakups Promotes Emotional Recovery via Changes in Self-Concept Clarity. Social Psychological and Personality Science, 6(4), 399–406. doi:10.1177/1948550614563085
4. MASON, A. E., LAW, R. W., BRYAN, A. E. B., PORTLEY, R. M., & SBARRA, D. A. (2011). Facing a breakup: Electromyographic responses moderate self-concept recovery following a romantic separation. Personal Relationships, 19(3), 551–568.
5. Illustration 4905301 © Dmv-bros | Dreamstime.com